you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
