My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
