I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
