So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
