Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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