Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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