I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
