I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
