Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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