Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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