somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
