you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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