You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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