"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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