ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
