Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize