I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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