I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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