Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
