im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
