made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
