I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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