During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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