a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
