I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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