I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
