Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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