I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
