What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
