So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
