I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
