She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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