8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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