Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
