Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
