You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
