Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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