One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
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He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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