remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
