If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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