He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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