Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
