My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
