Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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