I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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