Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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