I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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