i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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