I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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