she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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