I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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