Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
