Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
