i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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