Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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