home. puking in laundry basket.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
