I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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