hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
