She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
