My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
