She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
