Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
