i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Alive.
So much puke
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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