Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
where are my eyebrows?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
